Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
