just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
