Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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