finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
