If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
