Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
