Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
