And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
This is classic penis vs brain.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
