he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
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