The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
