My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
