you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
where are my eyebrows?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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