Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
