mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My balls are so social today.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm having to shit out rocks
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
