Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
