They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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