i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
