Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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