Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
