It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
