we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
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