They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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