we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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