I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
