I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
