so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
