First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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