You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
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So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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