you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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