What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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