Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
