y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Are these your boobs on my camera?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
