Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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