I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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