I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
