Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize