The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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