she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Are we still banned from the library?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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