Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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