i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
