That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
