I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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