You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
