I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
