I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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