best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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