I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
