My friends, they love my intelligence
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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