Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
