just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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