Four minutes until I can fart!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
