like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize