she was so not down for the gang bang
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
