i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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