Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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