he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
