Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
