Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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