You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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