if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
