Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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