Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
don't judge my taste in strippers
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
