I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
That accounts for only three of the penises
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
