I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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