Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
